Dear Temple B’nai Emet Family,
One of the greatest aspects of this community is our dedication to each other in times of illness. The Mi SheBerach prayers for the sick are always a highlight of our services, and I have witnessed and often been a part of many other efforts to show support, including visitations and special programming. I pray this continues and strengthens. At the same time, not everybody is comfortable sharing their struggles to the same degree (which is ok!) and we are not always “on the same page” when it comes to communicating our needs or prayers.
With all this in mind, I believe we can and should do more to organize the Mi SheBerach services and community announcements. I think it best to begin with being clearer about who we should be supporting and praying for:
• We should have no reason to believe that anyone is on a community health list against their wishes. This does not mean you have to be sure the person actively wants prayer or support, but please be respectful if it would cause any conflicts or issues of consent.
• For any community list, please stick to people in our community, that you know personally, or whose family members have personally asked for your prayers. Of course, we can and should pray for people all over the world aside from the list.
• The “Mi SheBerach” prayer list could include people with a current health condition (physical or mental) or upcoming procedure that has a significant chance of causing death, long-term disability, or unusual suffering.
• Issues that do not make us worry about such things, even a minor cold, are still perfectly appropriate to include in your own prayers and it is of course quite lovely to bring a loved one some chicken soup or to pick up their slack as they get over the latest bug. However, we want to honor the more serious needs of those who are indeed on the list. That said, if you are the kind of person to ignore your own needs, you should probably ignore this and simply reach out to us just in case!
• I would also like there to be a separate list of anyone comfortable with us knowing about long-term health issues that are stable but that might still need other forms of support. It is not appropriate to pray for something to change when it simply cannot. In fact, many conditions are essentially are part of a person’s sense of self. So, such people would not be a part of our public prayers for healing—but, that does not mean that we cannot find ways of supporting them as a community. Also, to be clear, a condition that is terminal and cannot be cured still belongs on the primary, “Mi SheBerach” list—even one extra hour life is precious and worth praying for.
• Please, please contact me if you are not sure whether a person should be on either list. I can help talk you through it. That’s what I’m here for!
Temple B’nai Emet will email the community a list of those names that are currently noted as having substantial health needs. Please make sure the synagogue has your current email address. If you do not use email at all, please let us know and we will do our best to get you information.
Please take the time to reply to that email if you personally know anyone on that list or that should be on the list. For each such person, please send the full name, the Hebrew name (if you know it), the parents’ Hebrew names (if you know them), the person’s relationship to you (unless it’s you!), and up to a few
sentences about that person’s health status and needs if you are comfortable doing so. For example, you might say a diagnosis, whether there is a procedure or recovery period, and whether there are good times to visit.
If you would like to be the person that recites the name of the person during services, please say so! If you are not present, or forget, I or anyone else leading services can still recite the name anyway. And if there is someone on the list that should not be on the list, or that should be on a list of community support but not for public prayer, please inform us right away.
Going forward, when we have the Mi SheBerach prayer, I will still go around the room to give a chance for anyone that wants to say the names that are on the main prayer list or that has an appropriate name to add that is missing from the list. I will then recite other names. I ask that we do not repeat names that other people have said—it is not good make some names feel more important than others, even if some conditions are more serious or worrisome. To make that easier, I will ask Zoom participants to say their names first, as they often have trouble hearing live congregants. I also ask that we do not use the moment to pray for things more generally (for example, “Everyone suffering in Israel” or “Anyone hurt by war”), as there are other moments for that during our prayers. And I will indeed be inviting more of your participation for exactly such moments! I also want to keep our focus on individuals close to us when the moment calls for that, instead.
This is all a step toward reinvigorating not only our prayers but our actions throughout the week. It is clear that active participation is a major part of what makes TBE tick, and I am all for doubling down on that. In the weeks and months to come, I very much plan to give us more chances to share what matters most to us beyond issues of illness as well. If you have your own ideas about any of that, please don’t be shy! Otherwise, stay tuned. There is a lot for us to do together.
With hopes and prayers,
Michael J. Feldman
