Dear Temple B’nai Emet family,
By the time you receive this issue of the Clarion, it will be less than a month before Rosh Hashanah. It will be the month of Elul, a time when we ready ourselves for and seek forgiveness in preparation for the Days of Awe and Repentance. The Talmud teaches that God cannot absolve our errors through ritual alone if our errors include wrongs upon our fellow human beings. We must strive to make things right with each other.
It would be appropriate to begin by asking forgiveness for my own missteps. In my eagerness to bring new life to the congregation, I have sometimes thought to do too much too fast. At other times, while occupied with some of what I planned for the synagogue or the challenges of my personal life, I have missed opportunities to do things in the here and now. Some congregants that deserved more of my attention may not always have had it. Some learning or service functions I could have implemented more simply may have just not happened at all, or at least not yet. I am sure there are other types of things I have done wrong as well. And I am truly sorry for all of the above. If you believe I have wronged the congregation or you as an individual in any way, whether or not you believe I may be aware of it, I strongly encourage you to contact me in whatever way is most comfortable (e.g., you can write it all down in an email, or ask for a time to talk) so that I have the opportunity to better understand what went wrong and what we can do better for the future.
And I dare not pretend that my human mistakes are only relevant to my role in Temple B’nai Emet, as if I am some perfect paragon of virtue in my personal life. I hurt, I err, I struggle. In fact, as I write this part of my message now, I am barely recovering from a particularly overwhelming set of circumstances in which I lost my wits and greatly exacerbated serious problems for my family. I am in great emotional pain. I don’t want to face my tasks. I didn’t want to finish the very thing I am typing right now. Thank God, I persist, however imperfectly.
Sometimes the hardest part of a personal struggle is having some degree (or illusion) of control. If we think we can fix something, or at least make it better, how devastating to even think we might have done the wrong thing! Sometimes, we wallow in our misery even if we didn’t do anything awful. Other times, we deny doing anything wrong because we don’t want to face it.
In a previous Clarion article, I wrote about the understandable difficulty in coming to prayer because the meaning of the prayer is not understood. And I honored (and still honor) that reluctance because prayer without meaning is not only hollow but spiritually problematic.
At the same time, the difficulty of understanding prayer can sometimes be an excuse not to engage in the very necessary process of understanding oneself. An excuse not to engage in many of the things we care about (and worry about!). This is often a reason some people don’t come to services. And I personally know some people that feel obligated to pray but then recite the words robotically if at all, without any attempt to find meaning.
By contrast, this congregation is special and full of meaning. It cares. We are now more wisely planning the formal Miller Introduction to Judaism program for immediately after the holidays. Meanwhile, recognize that our services are full of honest attempts at understanding, where questions and discussions are welcome. Instead of a long sermon, I sprinkle thoughts on various parts of the liturgy, and our congregants share wonderful and often candid ideas. There is literally nobody in the world that understands every word and aspect of every prayer. As long as we seek meaning, there is tremendous potential for benefit.
But if that seems like a lot, please believe me that it need not be as scary as it sounds: I am not asking for us to face our greatest personal demons every service! Yom Kippur is only once a year. Of course, we should certainly devote as much time for communal prayer as we can on that day and on the day that marks the beginning of our heightened state of awe, Rosh Hashanah. At the same time, what a pity if we do not also come to the many holiday and Sabbath services that give us joy and comfort. Yes, our prayers
are designed to get into deep and spiritual truth. But they are also designed to help us see the good in life—goodness that is often hard to believe in when we are struggling. And no matter the type of service, they are designed to help us not feel alone in our pain or regret. We are all human, we are all imperfect, we are all welcome.
So, with whatever tears of joy we may have in our eyes, let us welcome this season of forgiveness and renewal. If you are not used to coming for a Sabbath service, please come to at least one before Rosh Hashanah. Ease into our rich liturgy with joy and comfort.
And, if you have the means, please do donate whatever you reasonably can. We want to keep appeals to a minimum during services. So instead of announcing immediate pledges as they come in at synagogue, we will be formally thanking all of you that give extra amounts before the holidays. (If you wish to give anonymously, a very noble gesture, please let us know, and we will honor that request when we announce the donation.)
There is so much more we plan to do. There is a universe of good generated by every dollar of financial support, by every time you show up to services, by every email you send to a congregant that could use some encouragement. Just like each of us as individuals, the Temple B’nai Emet community struggles, it errs, it has collective pain. And just like our prayers do for each of us individually, we so very much as an entire community need that blessed mixture of spiritual honesty, practical help, and Divine comfort.
The last thing I request at this time is to make sure you are on the email list. If you have not gotten any of my group emails, send your email to Valerie Cook (bnaiemet@yahoo.com), Joseph Perez (templebnaiemet@gmail.com), or myself (spirituallycurious@gmail.com). I will be contacting the congregation with scheduling updates and various ideas for making our High Holiday season extra special. I will seek your input for some of these ideas. Meanwhile, please reach out to me with any ideas, questions, or concerns of your own. I really do want to hear from you. And yes, that includes noting where I or the synagogue collectively could do better.
We all need improvement. We all need comfort. May we deeply acknowledge these needs in ourselves and in each other. Let us come together and make the space for these needs.
With fondest wishes for a Year of goodness, blessing, meaning, and bettering our lives,
Michael Feldman
